#vicky rants something silly

[vickytokio]

Lúcia Já-Vou-Indo [Lúcia I-am-Coming]

I had this book when I was a kid and I read it many times. It's been on my mind a lot lately. It's funny how something theoretically so small can leave a mark and impact your life so much for so long.

I was a pretty slow kid. As far as I'm told, I developed all the expected skills very early, but I took my time performing activities.

I was slow to eat (apparently, it was common for my plate to need to be reheated in the middle of a meal). It took me too long to follow games with my cousins. It took me too long to copy things from the board at school. I took too much time to do my homework, to clean my room, to complete tasks… I never even necessarily realized it, I just did.

One thing that's important to say about my family is that everyone in it seems to be a damn powerhouse. No one can wait even a second for anything, ever. My mother can read 700 page books in two days, she and my aunts clean up an entire house in less than two hours, cook a full meal in 20 minutes, it's scary...

This week, I wanted to make a special dinner, I really wanted to eat a Mexican chilli with quesadillas. I found out a couple of years ago that I don't like to cook. This came as a shock to me as well, because most of my family has a passion for cooking and I love food, but cooking simply takes too much time and work to be worth it. But I wanted the damn dinner, so I started cooking at 4 pm so I could have dinner at 7 pm. That's probably not a reasonable amount of time for a regular person to spend making this meal. It's definitely not the time I would have available with my family.

When I worked at translation companies, we usually had goals to hit. If the goal was that a person could do 50 pages a day, my best, in general, was around 20 to 30.

The thing is, people always thought I was quite smart and capable. As I said, I even developed all my skills earlier than expected, so I don't know if in their minds they thought I was unwilling or what, but there were so many people my whole life disappointed that I was not “reaching my potential”, and so many people around me doing things so quickly and "easily" that I started to convince myself that I must be doing something wrong after all. 

Maybe, there really was some lost magical potential out there that I couldn't reach...

This book that I mentioned in the beginning, Lúcia Já-Vou-Indo, I think it could be a really cool book for children with ADHD, autism, learning difficulties, among many other things that make them, like me, a slow child.

The story is about Lucia, a slug who, as expected of her species, is quite slow in getting things done. Because of this, she always misses parties and important events with her other insect friends, because she is very late and cannot arrive on time.

The book's narrative, in my opinion, is a bit unkind, (but I might be biased and I'll explain why), but overall, the message is nice. Lucia is trying her best all the time, she's not negligent, she doesn't miss her friends' parties because she doesn't care, on the contrary. When she's invited to the dragonfly party, she starts getting ready a week before and even so, she only arrives at the place the day after the party, when everyone has already left.

In the book, the other insects "encourage" her to go faster along the way and feel sorry for her when she doesn't make it, but still, the ending is cute, because the solution they find is to have a party at Lucia's house so that she will definitely be there this time.

I think I liked this book the first time I read it. Maybe even a few more times after that, but it developed an increasingly bitter taste for me over the years, to the point where I wouldn't be able to see the cover or name of this book for decades without having an intensely emotional and, from an outside view, disproportionate reaction. And why, you would ask me?

The thing is, the book itself was already a little difficult for me to deal with because, despite having a "happy ending" it also has a lot of frustration and Lúcia suffers a lot with something that I also did (and do). She spends that entire book doing everything she can to get to her friend's party and it's not enough, she doesn't make it. 

And the fact that she got a party all to herself in the end isn't going to change that. That party that was "the greatest ever" will be forever lost, as will the wedding of a couple of her friends to which she arrived so late that they had already had a child. Those things are gone and won't come back. Why didn't anyone think of helping Lucia before? Why didn't she have the necessary accommodations?

And the other thing, and certainly what most impacted my relationship with this story, was the way the rest of my family "understood" it. I don't think any of them got the message because I spent the next several years of my life being called Lucia in a derogatory tone every time I was slow to do something. If I took too long to do something, I would hear my cousins, my aunts, my mother saying "I am cooooming".

With that, a story that could have been about acceptance, became a reinforcement for ridicule and I spent years hating Lucia and thanking God this book wasn't very well known and doing what I could to keep people from knowing it, lest I have more people using it to make fun of me. 

I've been thinking a lot about all this. Part of accepting the fact that I am a disabled person is accepting the fact that I. Am. Slow.

That's not a bad thing. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm not, I don't want anyone to tell me I'm not. It took me a long time to come to terms with that fact and I'm still trying.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but today I think I wanted to apologize to Lucia. You didn't deserve the contempt I had for you throughout the years, you deserve people who understand you, respect you, and want you around enough to make an effort.

[whumptywhumpdump]

Remember when this was just a whump blog? Lol

God, I miss just posting and rebloging pretty people in pain, but I have become my own whumpee and honestly I have nowhere else to vent so I apologize for the people who followed me for something else, but I am depressed, and scared, and feeling particularly whiny right now...

Last month, I did something I never thought I’d have to do and asked for money on the internet (hey, it was here, you might have seen it...) and it helped, GOD, it helped! Even a handful of people giving just a tiny bit of whatever they could single handedly paid for my therapy, meds and a trip to the grocery shop. You guys saved my ass last month and I was so relieved! I thought “Oof, I made it through the worst, I’ve survived! Next month, I get a decent pay and we’ll be fine.”

Except we’re not because even though I am getting a decent pay for the first time in months, one of my partners was fired and his salary was the one covering rent... The husband’s pay can’t cover rent on its own, we still have some debt left from last month, we have our health insurance and therapy bills to pay, we spend so. much. in meds every month between the three of us and I just.... I’m at the end of my wits. 

I’m trying so hard to make money, I have three fucking jobs! But everything is freelance, and I have no guarantees! My insomnia is back, my chronic pain is back full force, I’m having breakdowns three times a week, and I just want to run away but I don’t even know where... I’m so scared, I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared before. I don’t know what we’re gonna do. I don’t know who to ask for help and I don’t even want to ask for help anymore, people shouldn’t have to solve our problems for us, we’re all adults, but still! 

God, being disabled in this world fucking sucks sometimes! Having an entire household of queer disabled people. fucking. sucks!

[whumptywhumpdump]

It's been almost two months!

I just woke from a nap, decided to take a shower, and then had to sit down after it because I was shaking so hard! 😀 Showers now take me at least a half hour to recover from?!

requested by python-nebula

[lorelnessa]

In an effort to put off an essay I'm writing for college, I watched the three last episodes of the Bodyguard, which I only watched once, because I really wasn't a fan and now I'm going to rant.

First of all, it bugs me that I was sucked into watching a show where the main twist is that there's a female character that is presented as a leading character and she turns out to be a plot device that dies off screen. That was not what I expected from a British TV show that came out as recently as 2018. She really dies off screen, too, they couldn't even bother giving her a death scene or even a funeral. Both times, we only get to see David's POV. And I get that the entire series is supposed to be from his POV and we only see what he sees but, really. I can't think of a single other show where an important character is written out in this way, not unless they were planning on bringing them back or there was a huge falling out between the showrunner and the actor or something, it feels like an insult to write someone out like that.

I also hated how they never took the time to actually confirm that he had feelings for her to some degree. He doesn't even defend her when Cradock rather insultingly says that he was fucking her. And, yeah, they were doing that silly thing where they wanted everyone and their mother to look like they could have done it but it would have been so simple to just have him go to her grave after he caught her murderer (all these suspects and it turned out to be Luke Aikens, ffs) and, maybe, have him break down there before he went to see the therapist. They took 2796387216387167 hours to show him standing there in that vest and waltzing around London like it made sense for him to be allowed to do any of that. And they really brought out every single female character in the show (except for his meek little wife, of course) to tell the cops to kill him because the main reason women existed in that show was so they could be mean to poor David, evidently.

Lastly, that last scene where he fucks off with Vicky into the sunshine? What was that? I can't say I disliked Vicky, although I didn't care for her, either. It made sense that she would want to move on, she'd married him when they were children, he spent most of their marriage and adulthood overseas and he came back a different, broken man, who refused to get any help. I get why she wouldn't want to be around him and, most importantly, why she wouldn't want her kids to live with a man who was prone to drinking, having angry outbursts and randomly chocking people in his sleep.

They spent the first three episodes establishing that she had moved on and he kept ignoring that and calling her at all hours and even showing up at her house unannounced. It seemed to me like he was harassing her but I thought it was his way of clinging to a past and to a version of him that could never exist again and it made me sad for him. Not once did I think that we were supposed to look at that and want them to end up together, mostly because it was so clear that Vicky was done. But I guess we were supposed to be rooting for them, not because their marriage looked salvageable but because David deserved to have her as a little treat and she was his reward for what he had been through. Which... No. No wonder viewers were complaining about how many women were in positions of power. Those people were the right audience for this show.

Now, this was an absurdly long rant for a mini series that came out 4 years ago but I have feelings and a serious need to ignore my studying, so here it is.

[vickyvicarious]

idk if this is controversial or not but, i don’t think it’s all that important to meta analyze media to death. like if it’s fun i think that’s great but analyzing all the ways a show may or may not be problematic seems pretty silly to me. i mean it’s a tv show? not activism? (this isn’t me saying you shouldn’t analyze stuff btw if that’s what you enjoy, more in response to some of your statements saying that it’s important/a responsibility)

(to be fair though i’m just kinda upset that people seem to spend so much more time talking about problematic tv content than about the real life issues happening)

(also not saying you need to talk about irl issues on your fandom blog, just that grouping them under the same umbrella makes it seem like they’re equally important when stuff in media isn’t as big a deal as the stuff happening irl you know?)

I agree with you to an extent, but not completely. When I was saying it's important or a responsibility, I didn't mean quite for everyone to meta in depth or have these big long discussions I've been having lately. It's totally fine to just want to enjoy media without getting into what's problematic about it, and it's not as important as any real life events. I mean, I personally don't really like to talk politics and real world stuff on this blog just because that generally is a stressor for me, and I come here to destress. I actually don't even get into critical meta myself very often either, for similar reasons at times. So I'm definitely not throwing any stones here if individual people don't enjoy metaing or dissecting the media they consume. Having a break from that kind of stuff is important.

(And like. If you only ever worry about problematic stuff on TV and never ever real world stuff, then that's not the best priorities obviously. But people online always have personas and compartmentalize. I mean, Vicky isn't my real name. It's my fandom name and I answer to it as well as my real name and have for years, but I have a real-world life that's mostly separate from my fandom life, and I personally like to keep it that way. So I always assume that even if I only see people online talking about media, it doesn't mean they don't care about RL concerns. This may just be where they take a break from that.)

At the same time as all that is true, I do think it is important to recognize themes in media that we're exposed to. Critical thinking is a skill that has to be actively taught (which it isn't as well lately, it seems, which I know I ranted about like last year or something on this blog) and it's one that can be applied all over the place. For example: double-checking sources on news articles; noticing the ways an ad tries to manipulate your perspective; spotting logical fallacies in arguments; noticing propaganda in media. There's no such thing as a person totally immune to propaganda or manipulation, and a lot of corporations actively try to use stuff like color theory and certain phrases etc. to manipulate consumers into choosing their product or associating it with a certain thing. Food, technology, medicine, toys- pretty much any industry you can think of I'm sure it happens. There's also a lot of propaganda and tropes in media that can absolutely inform your opinion if that's all you see and you just accept it at face value. There's all sorts of levels of extreme to that too - blackface or straight up slurs in older films, or the tendency to only ever depict Africa as a monolith/small villages instead of many different cultures with different identities and levels of wealth, or even stuff like the cast of mostly guys and one girl or primarily white/straight casts with only one or two other identities represented. Dolls being primarily white-skinned, or the marketing of "boy toys" and "girl toys" affecting representation and consumption in children. I've been watching a lot of youtube essays lately on colorism, and have seen a good number of people cite negative body image directly to the kinds of things they saw represented on TV and in toys not matching their skin as they grew up.

I'm not saying all of this stuff is deliberate propaganda. Some things are, for example if the army sponsors a war game then uses a tournament for it as a recruitment strategy their motive is pretty clear there. But a lot of the time it's simply the media reflecting and perpetuating the culture in which it was created. Maybe it's something like the Hayes Code, which among other things didn't allow for heroes to be shown as gay-coded but didn't have all the same restrictions on villains, so there were a lot of gay-coded villains cropping up. Which may be better than no gay-coded people, but also associates those characters with certain other negative traits that can actually influence peoples' opinions in real life. Or maybe it's just something like all the cop shows that are popular for their serial mystery/monster of the week format, but which always hail their cop heroes as being honorable and good even if they have to break the rules/law sometimes. This reflects a society, and can reinforce it also, where cops get away with a lot of awful stuff because the bias is always in their favor. Or maybe even the trope where you give a villain a reasonable stance to begin with or at least a sympathetic background (movie Magneto was a Jewish kid put into a Nazi camp, and then as an adult people start talking about registering and restricting mutants) but have them go too far and their methods be deplorable enough (he decides that mutants are the superior race and all normal people should be killed or turned into mutants against their will) that they must be defeated - and their reasonable point is never actually addressed.

So I do think that it is important to be at least aware of stuff like this, even if you don't want to talk about it. That's more on a personal level, it's good for an individual to know how things may be affecting their own opinion beyond the obvious. On a larger scale, racist tropes that go unaddressed in canon and are just blithely accepted and perpetuated in fanon can lead to a fandom experience that locks out people of that race. Or really that goes for any minority.

So... I don't think people have to discuss this stuff to death or anything! But at the same time, I do feel being at least aware, even if it's not what you focus on, is somewhat important.

[k7l4d4]

Owl House AU Ideas, ZA FIRST!!

Hello all, this has been a long time coming on my part. After procrastinating on the subject, I have decided to upload my personal AU ideas for the Owl House. Here’s hoping ya’ll like them, and feel free to make your own stuff based on them as you please!!

Tough Love: This AU is my own twist on the classic Siblings AU, in which I fleshed it out into my own little niche using whatever I had available in my brain.

Victoria Noceda: My name for Beta Luz, who in this Idea is the oldest of the three Noceda sisters. Brash, belligerent, always ready with a smart remark, Victoria is a tough girl who takes no crap from anyone, with her weapon of choice being a metal bat carved with glyphs. A short temper mixed with both a strict demeanor and a flippant attitude has earned her a reputation as a thug, one which she has done nothing to reject or deny. Growing up, Victoria quickly grew familiar with the uglier side of humanity, and when her sisters were born vowed to shield them from the harshness of the world, by any means necessary. She is highly cynical, yet being around Luz chips away at this persona of hers. Despite her attitude and behavior, she is highly intelligent, graduating from school as valedictorian to the shock of everyone bar her teachers. Victoria first ended up in the Isles by chasing down Owlbert after the Palisman tried (and failed) to pickpocket her. She and Eda, to their mutual surprise, hit it off rather well, with Victoria often acting as her Stall Manager, Gopher, Muscle, etc., and has amassed a large quantity of glyphic spells, which she keeps as tattoos climbing up both arms (she actually has enough to cover nearly her whole torso and part of her neck, but uses illusion glyphs to hide them so Eda doesn't ask how she discovered them... some of them were highly unpleasant for lack of a better word). Using her work with Eda to avoid getting a job on Earth, Victoria has a LOT of money, mostly due to Eda paying her with whatever bills and coins Owlbert brings her without consideration for how much they actually are worth. Offered to house her sisters so they could "branch out and get some real world experience," really an excuse to get her sibs away from the toxic environment at school. Convinced (threatened) Principal Hal to have Luz sent to stay with her for the summer. Her aggressive tendencies and willingness to use incredible violence to solve her problems has resulted in her relationship with her sisters partially atrophying, though she is unaware of it herself. Her first encounter with Boscha, in the body swap episode, is meant to illustrate this as she very clearly and deliberately tormented and ridiculed the girl for bullying Luz, refusing to let up even when Luz begged her to stop until Boscha apologized and begged for forgiveness; Luz rushing off to help bandage Boscha's nearly broken hands implies this isn't the first time she has done this, or at least something like this. Victoria has a bad temper when roused and often resorts to extreme verbal haranguing when she's cross with Luz, not knowing that this reinforces the idea that she doesn't like or care for her youngest sister, as she can't bring herself to raise a hand to her sisters. Finds Amaryllis hot and enjoys teasing her. Will answer to Victoria, Tori, or Ria, NEVER to Vic or Vicky, which will result in her threatening to break the offender's legs, THIS IS NOT A BLUFF SHE HAS DONE IT TWICE BEFORE. Mari Noceda: My name for Pilot!Luz, the middle child. Easily the most well-behaved of her siblings, though that isn't saying much. Unlike her hyper-impulsive younger, and her super aggressive elder, Mari is calm, logical, and significantly more easy going. However, she is an absolute snoop with a very poor understanding of personal privacy, resulting in her being sent to the principal for breaking into other students' lockers, on multiple occasions. After Victoria basically dropped off the map, she became hellbent on tracker her down, resulting in her discovering the Boiling Isles and magic. As is her usual, she quickly got over whatever shock she felt and proceeded to brow beat her mom, Victoria, AND EDA to let her stay in the Isles by homeschooling (Camila doesn't know she went to the Isles, just that she wanted to move in with her sister... it hurt her more than Mari thought it would), she soon set herself to studying everything the Isles has to offer, to Eda's chagrin. While her repertoire is much smaller than Tori's, she knows quite a few spells herself, all of which she has studied to a ludicrous degree. After reading up on some of Luz's fantasy novels, she has started viewing herself as an artificer, blending magic and technology together. Is VERY GOOD FRIENDS with Vela Blight (they are dating but don't want anyone to know). Often puts down Luz's fantasies as ridiculous. Luz Noceda: Canon cinnamon roll, sorta. Plucky, sweet, optimistic, and, oh yeah, Kinda mental. Was introduced to the Boiling Isles and Eda via Victoria picking her up and driving through a portal that opened up in Eda's living room. When she asked her sisters' to share what they know about magic with her, they both laughed and told her they would teach her how to use any spells she figured out on her own, and no more. Basically the same as canon, she is somewhat more fragile emotionally as a result of Mari's unintended put-downs, and Victoria's angry rants. She is convinced that part of the reason she didn't have friends was due to everyone being afraid of Victoria beating them silly, or Mari invading their privacy. While very similar to her original self, this version of Luz has a lot of repressed anger, which manifests as a slight twitch in her left eye and a compulsive hiccup when stressed. Eda: Due to taking in Victoria and Mari, she is much more in touch with her caring side earlier on than Canon, welcoming Luz easily and more willing to play the mentor role. Quickly picks up on the warning signs in the sisters' interactions but is repeatedly shut out, to her frustration and concern. King: Mellower than in canon due to having Mari, who considers him a fount of demonic knowledge, and Victoria, who appreciates his street wise wisdom when it peeks through his megalomania, to talk and interact with. Clings to Luz as a "new general in my Army! Rejoice, Mr. Ducky, REJOICE!!" Amaryllis Blight: My name for Beta!Amity, and the eldest sibling. Ruthless, ferocious, and feral, Amaryllis always possessed the hallmarks of a problem child, bucking her parents authority at every turn, which she got away with due to her immense magical power even as a toddler. Wears green hair dye to spite her parents after they virtually disowned her. Regularly forgets any and all information that she deems useless, which includes her parents' names, resulting in her always referring to them as Mr. and Mrs. Blight at all times, even in her head. Leads the Predators, an elite section of the Emperor's Coven tasked with locating and sealing dimensional breaches, as well as purging anything that crosses through. Has a severe survival of the fittest mindset; if you don't have the strength and will to survive and succeed, you are nothing. Ironically, she hates bullies, claiming them as weaklings who tear down those with true potential for greatness, and often curses herself for being too weak to separate from Belos. Her sheer power and accomplishments have forced the Blight parents to recognize her as their child, if only to capitalize on her success and prevent difficult questions being aimed their way, yet none are comfortable with the arrangement. Strongly admires Eda, genuinely believing her to be the greatest Witch of all time, which leads to her verbally, and sometimes physically, tearing a new one in anyone who speaks ill of her in Amaryllis' presence. The biggest inspirations for Amaryllis were Katsuki Bakugo from My Hero Academia, and Esdeath from Akame Ga Kill, being strangely friendly and amicable to her fellow Predators and anyone who she finds sufficiently impressive in terms of combat, though she has no ability to register those she thinks of as weak, often being incapable of recalling any real information about them beyond whatever part of their appearance stuck out most to her. She has no respect or regard for Emira and Edric, regarding them as fools and cowards, and is genuinely incapable of telling them apart, despite the fact that they are different genders, and often needs a moment to remember who they are. Often verbally scolds Vela for being weak, with the first "kind" thing she has ever said to her since graduating was congratulating her for taking the first steps to realizing her true potential. Admires Amity's dedication to be the best, but detests her kowtowing to their parents. Has a huge crush on Victoria, but is both better at hiding it than Amity, by a mile, and severely conflicted over it, due to regarding humans as "the weakest existence on the whole of the Isles." Amaryllis' animalistic mentality is considered extremely unusual, even by the standards of the Boiling Isles and results in everyone being incredibly wary of her. Amaryllis is insanely loyal to those she holds regard to and works with, viciously destroying anything that dares bring harm to her comrades, or "pack" as she insists on calling them, and has a win by any means necessary mindset, being genuinely puzzled by the crowd and Amity's distress at Lilith's cheating during the Covention, seeing the power glyph as a perfectly acceptable tactic and applauding Luz and Eda's mines to circumvent the Human's lack of spells, however even she disapproves of cheating that can result in permanent injury, which is her sole complaint about the duel. Vela Blight: My name for Pilot!Amity, and the Middle child of the Blight Triplets. Timid, meek, and polite to a fault, Vela is near totally lacking in confidence. Is hopelessly mediocre in every form of magic, despite her higher than average power, and regarded as a failure to the Blight name. Her parents disowned her shortly before Canon, but allow her to stay in the Manor as her siblings' attendant, even Amaryllis is better regarded than she is by the Blight parents. Is good friends with the Detention Track kids, and eagerly jumped on the bandwagon when they became multi-track students, joining Luz as an All-Tracker, which also exposed her immense talent for magic mixing, allowing her to merge different forms of Magic with ease and fluidity. Vela's sheer passion for learning magic exceeds both Amity and Luz combined, and is genuinely puzzled why more witches weren't trying to multi-track too. Is something of a teacher's pet, to her own embarrassment, as even with her poor abilities her sheer passion for learning has caused many of the Teachers and Bump himself to develop a soft spot for her. Has a complicated relationship with Ed and Em, as while she loves them, she envies their talent, and despises their pranks, as she is often punished for them whether she had a hand or not, and often when she tried to stop them. When her trip-mates decided to prank Amity, she lividly tore into them with a brutal "The Reason You Suck" Speech before storming off in tears, resulting in Ed and Em chasing after her and leaving Amity and Luz alone in the library. During the trip to the Knee, she was still bitter, and went out of her way to be as difficult for Ed and Em as possible, only forgiving them after took on the Slitherbeast. Vela is very close to Amity, as well as the Nocedas. Vela regards Amity as a treasure and has the healthiest relationship with her out of all their siblings, instantly pegging to Amity's crush on Luz (She ships them so hard), though she doesn't call her out on it. Vela is scared of Amaryllis. Ed and Em: Are wilder than in Canon, willing to resort to harsher pranks to meet their goals. They adore Vela, and assumed she adored them; having her verbally tear them a new one served as a massive wake-up call to how jerky they could be, and often were, provoking them to be better siblings and people all around, still tricksters though. Are jealous of Amaryllis due to her being unshackled from their parents, and are often rendered livid by her casual dismissal of them. Amity Blight: Mostly the same, but a bit more assertive against the toxic influences in her life. Idolizes Amaryllis due to her power and freedom, and trusts Vela with the same secrets as her diary. Sallix Park: Name for Beta!Willow. A maverick and an agitator, she enjoys stirring up trouble for the heck of it, but only when she's the one to cause it. Adores her little sister, but insists on her fighting her own battles, and enjoys training Willow through random plant attacks. Has been secretly gaslighting Boscha, in the hopes of the brat having some kind of epiphany and cleaning up her act, not knowing that her actions were causing the triclops to develop conflicting impulses and feelings regarding Willow, as well as an unhealthy fixation. Is good friends with both Victoria and Amaryllis, resulting in her serving as referee whenever they fight, which is often. Willow Park: Same as canon, but more assertive over her behaviors.

Let me know if any of you have any questions or opinions on it.

[vickytokio]

My brain functions are otherwise occupied with the lack of sleep caused by my very important work of late, so I didn't manage to read all the words in this post, but I I I agree with the concept so hard!

I saw that suggestion or one like it on Tumblr a couple years ago and have been trying to apply it whenever I can, and not only is it better into tricking my brain into being healthier, it's also hella entertaining for people around me.

I've made so many friends giggle delightedly at my ridiculously praisiy self antics XD

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

[witchesofmysticfalls]

Bad Moon Rising - 2

MASTERLIST 

"Leave her alone" Alaric mumbles to Damon who was annoying Elena.

"You know this whole, pretending to hate me this is getting a little silly" Damon says to Elena, who sits crossed legged looking away from Damon.

I take a glance at her and then at Damon. "I don't think she's pretending. You did kill her brother"

"There is a huge asterisk next to that statement. He came back to life. Besides you got over the hatred you had for me" I almost scoff.

"That's because hating you wouldn't bring Vicki back" I shoot back with a sneer. I didn't like talking about Vicki. I might not hate Damon anymore, and I might consider him my friend but I do not like it when anyone mentions her, especially him.

"Yeah. Thanks to a ring that you didn't know he was wearing" Elena says. "Why are you so sure I didn't know?" Damon questions. For the first time Elena looks at him with a skeptic face.

"Did you?"

"Yes" Elena narrows her eyes at him.

"Your lying"

"Elena, I saw the ring. It's a big tacky thing. It's hard to miss" Damon counters.

Alaric lifts his hand, examining his own ring. He frowns at it, most likely because of what Damon says, he's seemingly offended.

I sigh and pull out my head phones, getting my playlist ready, I plug them in and start listening to my music. I need something to get me through this ride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we get to duke I can't help but marvel at the building. It's huge, and looks ancient like England.

"Close your mouth you look like a fish" Damon mocks. I growl at him, that name.

"So Isobel was officially employed by the anthropology department. Given that most of paranormal activity is rooted in folklore" Alaric explains a bit of a background as he leads us through the halls of duke. He notices a woman who's going through files and calls her out

"Excuse me. Hi" He says as she turns to us.

"I'm Alaric Saltzman. I called earlier" The woman smiles, closing up the cabinets. She's pretty, pale square face, brown hair that reaches just a little bit below her shoulders and brown eyes to match.

"Yes. Of course" She says, striding over to shake Alaric's hand. "I'm Vanessa Monroe. Research assistant- comparative folklore"

When her eyes land on us behind Alaric she seems lost in her mind for a moment, she snaps out of it quickly and points with her thumb behind her.

"Uh, let me just grab Isobel's keys" She says. Alaric notices her reaction and quickly explains what he's doing here with three other people.

"I'm sorry, these are my friends, Ariel, Elena and Damon. I hope this isn't too much of an imposition" Vanessa smiles and shakes her head.

"Please, Isobel's office is right through there," She says, motioning with her head to the door next to us. Vanessa goes over to her desk, rummaging around for the keys.

"Isobel was one of my first professors. I was a grad student, she was brilliant" She says, pulling out the keys and shutting close the drawer.

"One of the reasons why I went into folklore" She explains, sitting on the edge of her desk. She looks down, almost unsure or embarrassed.

"I have to ask...has there been any news?" Alaric shakes his head. "No. No I'm afraid not" She gives him an apologetic smile and gets up.

"It's right this way" She goes over to the door, unlocking it with a twist of the key. There's a desk right in the middle, the walls are riddled with books, maps and other strange stuff.

"I'll grab the light, feel free to look around" Vanessa says before exiting. I walk over to one of the bookshelves and trace a hand over all the spine edges.

Books have always fascinated me, if these books are filed with folklore they could be useful.

"Where'd she go?" Damon asks about Vanessa. I shrug and look back at the doorway where she appears with a cross bow pointed directly at Elena.

"No!" I yell as Vanessa presses the trigger. Damon reacts quickly and stands in front of Elena, the arrow hitting his back. He groans and falls to the floor. Alaric rushes to Vanessa and pins her against the wall.

I run to Elena and grab her by the shoulder, "Are you okay?" I ask. She nods, still taking in what happened.

"Damon!" I exclaim, crouching down to him. Elena crouches beside me, "You got this right?" I say and flee before she can say something. They need to work out this hatred.

"Get me some rope" Alaric orders and after searching I find some rope and we bring her to her office, leaving Damon and Elena in Isobel's.

Alaric pushes Vanessa down to a chair and ties her hand up to the arm post.

"Please! Okay I freaked. Alright you would have done the same thing. It's not possible! Katherine Pierce can't be alive and Damon Salvatore died in 1864!" She rants with a free hand.

"Okay. I read Isobel's research" She explains. "Well, then you know just how possible this is'' Alaric comments.

The door to Isobel's office opens and both Damon and Elena step out. Elena goes over to her and explains who she is.

"I'm Elena Gilbert. Isobel's daughter and a descendant of Katherine Pierce"

I as well explain who I am.

"I'm Ariel Donavan'' No way I'm calling myself a Gilbert even if I technically am.

"Elena's my twin sister. Fraternal obviously" I then run a hand over my face.

"I obviously didn't get the doppelgänger gene" Elena narrows her eyes on that but ignores it, looking back at Vanessa.

"And this is Damon Salvatore who you just shot"

"I'd be extra nice to me right now" Damon points out with a grin,

I explain what we were doing here, "Look we need your help. Ok. We need to see all of Isobel's Research, anything related to mystic falls"

[bobby-singers-library]

A Whirlwind Romance Chapter 19

Previous Chapter: Chapter 1   Chapter 18

Chapter Master List

Read this on my AO3

The next night rushed up on them, Jo didn't know how she got to the point where she was dressing for the party, it felt like she had just got there, but it was already Tuesday afternoon. She primped and prepared by taking a shower and curling her hair, doing her makeup, and then putting on her underwear. They weren't as flashy as the last ones she wore in this situation, she smiled at the memory, but they were still pretty. She went with the garter belt again, having discovered that it was easier to deal with than pantyhose. She slipped on a pair of red flats, she decided if this was going to be a long party she wasn't wearing heels. Her dress covered her feet either way. Next she slipped the dress on, it fit perfectly. She smiled at herself in the mirror. She loved this dress but couldn't imagine when she would ever wear it again.

She took a deep breath and opened the parure. She still couldn't believe she was going to wear this thing, she had tried it on the night before and it was heavier then she'd thought. She picked up the earrings first and put them on, each one had a loaf cut ruby surrounded by diamonds suspended from a pearl. She pushed her hair behind her ear to admire them. As heavy as they were they were still gorgeous.  She put the bracelet on next, another thing of beauty. She reluctantly took off her art deco ring and replaced it with the ruby and diamond one from the set. She still liked the art deco ring better, Grandfather thought it had been his Mothers, he was very pleased to see her wear it, so she hated to take it off but it didn't do with what she was wearing. Lastly she took out the big necklace, she was sure she had never held anything so expensive in her life. She draped it across her neck and snapped the closure closed tight. She stood back and looked at herself. She had to admit, the look was stunning. She grabbed the clutch purse she had gotten to match the dress, pleased she had remembered this time. As usual she had her business cards, her phone, as well as her lipstick and a hair clip in case she got to hot and wanted to pin her hair up.

When Jo came downstairs all the men where waiting for her near the door. Her eyes widened at seeing Bobby not only in a suit but sans hat. His hair was even combed back. “Wow, Bobby. Look at you.” she said out loud while still standing on the steps.

The gentlemen all turned around towards her voice. They were all quick to voice how amazing she looked, but it was Crowley who came towards her with his hand out. She smiled and took it, he pulled her closer to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, “Perfect.” he pulled away and smiled widely. The jewelry looked perfect on her and it pleased him greatly.

Jo shook her head and laughed. “So are we heading out? Are we sure Will is ok?” she asked.

Grandfather and Roderick both nodded and Crowley said, “He's fine. He and Charles are in the family room watching movies. He won't even notice we're gone.”

Grandfather pulled open the door, outside was a limo waiting for them. Jo and Bobby shared surprised looks but followed the other men towards the car.

When they got to the party Jo realized it was in someones house, a house much bigger than the one they had just left. They walked in together, while they were waiting in the hall to be announced, she convinced Bobby to take a selfie with her. Followed by one of her with Grandfather and Roderick, then one of her and Crowley where he was kissing her cheek and holding her around the waist from behind while she was giggling. The people waiting behind them thought it was funny and started taking selfies as well, Jo asked them to get a photo of all of them together, then did the same for their group. When Jo checked to see if anyone had looked at the images on facebook she laughed and showed Bobby how Dean had commented on the picture of him and her, all he had said was 'what the hell are you wearing Bobby?' Bobby snorted and Jo laughed.

When they finally got to the front of the line Grandfather was announced first, Bobby and Roderick followed him in as his guests. Next Crowley and Jo were introduced, many people turned to look, having heard of Crowley's new lady. When they saw she was wearing the Duchess parure it caused a bit of a titter to go through the crowd. Especially once they saw she was also wearing an engagement ring. As they came to the bottom of the stairs there was already several couples waiting to congratulate them. So many introductions where made Jo could hardly remember who she met, much less names. Crowley, seeing she was kind of overwhelmed after 20 or more introductions, asked her to dance.

Crowley swept her out onto the dance floor. She relaxed into his arms and let him lead them around, she had felt silly earlier in the day when he was going over basic steps with her, but now she was glad they spent those hours practicing, it made it easier to lose herself to being whirled around,  trusting him not to knock them into another couple.

“Have I told you how handsome you look, Mr. Crowley.” she flirted with him. He really did look fine in his tuxedo, the stark black coat with his white shirt and bow tie.

He flashed her a pleased smile, “You haven't, darling.” he leaned in to mutter into her ear.

She giggled lightly, “Then my apologies, you look good enough to eat,” she purred into his ear.

“I can't wait to slip you out of this dress later, I'm going to fuck you wearing nothing but that jewelry.” he growled back, pleased when she shuttered and pressed closer to him at the idea.

“You bad man.” she replied, “I love how you think.”

He chuckled and pulled back slightly, “Want to get something to drink?” he asked.

Jo nodded and took his arm. They went to the refreshment table, Crowley handed her a glass of champagne and took one for himself. He enjoyed the crispness of it, but when he looked at Jo she took a sip and cringed.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

“Ew,” she replied and handed the glass back to him. He raised an eyebrow as she got a glass of punch instead.

He shrugged and put it with some discarded glasses, while he kept sipping his, “You didn't mind it last time.” he remarked to her.

She shook her head, “It must be a different kind, because it tastes too strong.” she replied.

He scrunched his eyebrows, “I think it's the same...”

She just shook her head, “I'm good with punch.” she took a long drink.

Crowley just shrugged and let it go. He looked around the party, that's when he saw her, his ex-wife, shooting daggers at Jo with her eyes. He put an arm around Jo's waist and led her over to a couch so they could sit down, preferably away from Vicky's pissed off face.

“What is it?” Jo asked, she new immediately that something was wrong with him.

Crowley smiled at her, loving that she just knew, “I just saw her.” he replied.

Jo nodded. “You have been to parties she was at before right? You said you were in the same circles.”

“Yes, but I never had a date. I was more concerned with Will and my work then trying to get a date. She always made sure to smirk at me and fawn over whichever man she was here with. They always did that thing, you know where she says something to him, then he looks at me, then he whispers in her ear and they both laugh. I hated that.” Crowley said with a sneer.

Jo raised an eyebrow, “Point her out to me,” she smirked at him.

He glanced around, she had moved so she could still watch them and glare, of course she had the petty bitch. “There, in the silver dress and the garish topaz jewelry. You can't miss the fake red hair.” he pointed her out.

Jo looked right at her, she made sure the woman saw her look her up and down, then she looked right in her eyes and smirked. She turned back to Crowley and leaned into him next to his ear. “Now I checked her out, made sure she saw me, now I whisper how her hair should be a felony and when I pull back we both have a laugh at her, that's how this goes right?” she whispered in his ear.

He pulled back and looked at her in surprise before throwing his head back and laughing, Jo smiled widely and let out a laugh of her own just because she enjoyed how happy he sounded. He stopped laughing and smiled widely at her before leaning in and kissing her.

“I love you so much,” he said against her lips.

“I love you too.” she smiled against him. “I can't wait to go home, so that it's just me and you big daddy.” she nuzzled his cheek.

“Excuse me,” said a high pitched and pissed off sounding voice next to them.

They both turned their heads to look, and there was Vicky standing in front of them with her arms crossed and glaring at them.

“You're excused. Have a good evening.” said Jo with a smirk before nuzzling back against Crowley's cheek.

Crowley chuckled at Jo's snarky reply.

Jo made sure to run her left hand over Crowley's chest to show off the engagement ring.

“Fergus, you said your Grandfather would never allow those jewels out of the vault until he was dead! And now this....this.....person is wearing them? Your Grandfather is right over there! I can see him!” Vicky bitched at him.

“I just told you that because I didn't want to tell you Grandfather disliked you and didn't want you to have any of the family jewelry. He loves Joanna, he insisted we make sure she wore the Duchess jewels tonight, after all she will be the Duchess one day.” he gave her a nasty smile.

She looked at him with her mouth opening and closing like a fish for a few moments before giving a frustrated huff and stomping off.

Jo and Crowley shared a look before they laughed. “I can't believe you married her.” said Jo.

“Me either. I really don't know what I was thinking.” replied Crowley with a shake of his head as he watched Vicky stomp up to her date and start ranting at him. He couldn't hear what she was saying but her date looked terrified, as he drew his eyes away he noticed Bobby, on the dance floor, with an elegant looking young lady with dark hair, and a lovely dark blue gown. Crowley's eyes widened, “Jo, look!” he said nudging her and pointing towards Bobby and the woman.

Jo looked over and her mouth dropped open, “I didn't even know he could dance.” she said in a low voice. She dug in her purse quickly to grab her phone, she took a couple of pictures, then a video showing Bobby very gracefully leading the woman around.

“He looks like a pro. The hidden talents of Robert Singer. Look how smitten she looks!” He leaned closer to Jo as he spoke in a low voice.

“He looks kinda smitten as well.” Jo remarked still shocked. She put her phone away in her clutch.

“Huh...well. I'm thinking of trying some of these nibbles I keep seeing people with. Should I go get us some?” Crowley asked.

Jo tore her eyes away from Bobby and his lady friend and looked at where Crowley was looking. People seemed to have small fruit tarts and some other small finger foods. She looked around but couldn't tell where they had came from, “Sounds good, I could snack.” she smiled at him and started arranging her dress to stand.

Crowley put a hand on her arm, “You stay here, I'll find them and come back.” He said as he stood. Jo smiled in thanks and leaned back into the couch.

Jo watched him walk away, then looked onto the dance floor, Bobby was leading the woman away, her hand in the crook of his arm. They were leaning close and talking, both of their eyes shining in interest. Jo shook her head, who knew.

“May I sit here?” said a smooth voice from above Jo.

Jo looked up where a tall woman in an elegant teal colored dress stood. Her dark brown hair was loose around her shoulders, she had on a simple necklace and earrings. Jo gave her a friendly smiled and scooted over a bit on the couch, “Please, feel free.” Jo responded

The woman took a seat and arranged her dress, “You're here with The Marquess of Powis, aren't you?” she asked politely.

“Oh, yes, Crowley. I sometimes forget about the title thing,” Jo laughed.

The other woman gave a small laugh, “That's good, I try not to take it to seriously myself. But some people are very concerned with it. I've met your Crowley before, his son and mine got to the same school.”

“Oh that's nice,” said Jo with a smile, “I'm glad to meet you, my name is Joanna, most people just call me Jo.” said Jo holding out her hand.

“Catherine, but everyone calls me Kate.” replied Kate as she took Jo's hand, “So, are you and Crowley dating?” she asked curiously.

“Yes, but we got engaged a month ago.” Jo showed her the ring on her finger, “I'm still not sure I'm ready for this life, though. I've been thrown in head first.” Jo laughed.

Kate smiled, “I know the feeling. I wasn't exactly prepared when I entered into all of this either. But it must be harder for you, being from America.”

“Oh yeah, we don't have titles or anything like that, so learning the proper way to address everyone is killing me. It seems to not be as big a deal now as it once was though.” replied Jo.

“That is true. There is a lot more mixing of the classes and things are more relaxed.” Kate nodded.

“So are you waiting for your husband?” asked Jo while looking around for Crowley.

“Oh, no, he's on call tonight. But at least one of us needed to make an appearance tonight, so it's just me. Honestly,” Kate leaned closer, “I'd rather be home with the children.”

“On call?” Jo asked curiously. “And I don't blame you, I think I'd probably rather be home as well, watching Disney movies with little Will.” smiled Jo.

“Yes, my husband works as an air ambulance pilot.” Kate said proudly. “Will is Crowley's son, right?” asked Kate.

“Wow, that's cool. He's helping save people.” said Jo impressed. “Yes, he is, but when we get married he will be my son too. I honestly can't wait. I already love him like he was my own.” Jo smiled widely at Kate.

Kate smiled back, “He has a hero complex.” she giggled, “I'm glad Will is getting a mummy. He's a sweet little boy. We'll have to plan a play date sometime soon. So we can chat and they can play.” Kate leaned in excitedly.

“Sounds great! You know if you want we can try Saturday, apparently we have dinner reservations but before then I should be free. After that we are going to be in Nebraska for a least a month and we're taking Will with us.” replied Jo.

“Saturday,” Kate thought a moment, “I think I can do Saturday.” she reached in her clutch purse and got out her phone, she checked her schedule, “How about at 11AM? We can let the boys play, have lunch together?” she asked Jo.

“Sure sounds good. Do you want my number? In case something comes up?” asked Jo pulling her phone out.

“Sure, and I'll give you mine.” smiled Kate. The quickly traded info. “I'm so glad I met you, it's not often I meet someone who isn't a social climber.”

Jo laughed, “I wouldn't even know where to start trying to social climb. I met Crowley by accident, and I was already head over heels with him before he told me who he was, and even then it was sort of a far away thing. It didn't get real until he brought me to London.” Jo shook her head.

“How did you meet?” asked Kate with a raised eyebrow.

“He was broke down on the side of a road,” Jo laughed, “I decided to pull over and help him. I work for an auto shop/car restoration garage.” Jo shrugged, “That and he was cute, looking all lost.”

Kate giggled, “That's so interesting, so you work on cars?”

“Oh, no. I mean I can do the basics, and I know a lot of the models and such, but that's because I am mostly dealing with clients who want cars restored, want me to find them a car to restore, or people who want to sell their classic car. So I deal with the sales side of things.” Jo rummaged in her purse and pulled out a card to hand to Kate.

“That sounds like fun.” said Kate as she looked at the card, “You get to dig up treasures for people, find things they want. That always sounded like such a fun thing to do.”

“Yeah, I really like it. I even found some cars over here, we're going to look at them on Friday. It was exciting to find that contact you know. It is like finding treasure!” Jo laughed, it was nice to meet someone who got it.

Jo looked looked up when she saw something out of the corner of her eye, Crowley had finally made it back. Jo smiled at him widely. She was about to greet him when he gave a small smile to Kate and bowed to her at the waist. Jo raised an eyebrow.

“Your Highness, I didn't know you would be here tonight.” He said with a charming smile as he straightened up. He handed Jo the small plate he had in one hand.

“None of that, Lord Powis, I've just been chatting with your lovely fiancee. I hope you don't mind we scheduled a play date for the boys at your manor on Saturday.” Kate smiled at him.

“Just Crowley, please.” He said with a nod, “We're honored to have you to the manor, I'm certain Will, will be very pleased. I understand George is starting at Thomas’s Battersea in September, we've Will enrolled there as well.”

“Wonderful, I'm so glad they'll get to continue to be friends.” Smiled Kate. She glanced at Jo who was looking at her stunned, she gave Jo a smile, “Well, I think I've been here long enough to not be rude. I look forward to seeing you Saturday, Jo.” she held out a hand.

Jo nodded and reached out to shake Kate's hand, “Me too. Have a good evening.”

“Thank you.” she stood and nodded to Crowley.

Crowley gave another short bow, “Ma'am, a pleasure as always.” he took the hand she held out and gave it a light kiss. Kate smiled at him and walked towards the main entrance of the ballroom. Crowley sat down next to Jo.

“I just made a play date with a Princess...and had no idea.” said Jo faintly.

“You sure did, sweetheart.” he smiled at her in amusement.

“I can't believe I didn't even recognize her, I mean I've seen tons of pictures of her.” Jo looked down at the little plate and selected a small tart to put in her mouth while shaking her head at herself.

“You weren't expecting it. These things happen I'm sure.” Crowley said, still amused.

Jo chewed the little pastry, “This is good.” she muttered.

Crowley nodded and took one for himself, “Would you like to dance some more?” he asked.

Jo smiled at him and agreed. Crowley took the empty plate from her and put it on the side table before taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. They danced for several songs before joining a small group of Crowley's friends to chat.

Crowley noticed Jo was looking tired as the evening progressed so when the conversation came to a natural pause Crowley smiled at her, “How about we go find our wayward Fathers and Grandfathers and head home? I think we've have enough excitement tonight.”

Jo nodded and said polite goodbyes to the people they had been conversing with. She used one hand to lift the side of her dress to walk easier and took Crowley's offered arm with her other hand then they made their way towards the last place they had seen Grandfather sitting.

They found Grandfather, Roderick and Bobby along with several older gentlemen sitting around a table. Jo noticed that the woman Bobby was dancing with earlier was sitting next to him, they had their heads together talking, and Bobby was honest to god smiling.  She was tempted to get her phone out again just to take a picture of the strange sight.  As they walked up Grandfather greeted them boisterously, Jo smiled at him and greeted him with a small wave, but raised an eye at Crowley.

Crowley leaned in a bit towards her and whispered, “He's had a few.”

Jo giggled and nodded. “So we were thinking of heading home. How about you boys?” she asked her little team of Grandfathers.

Grandfather stood up with a slight wobble, “Sounds perfect my dear girl! We have a plane to catch in the morning after all!”

Roderick nodded and stood as well.

Bobby looked rather upset at having to leave, and looked at the lady by his side. Jo's eyebrows rose.

“Robert, I could give you a ride home a bit later if you'd like to stay?” she asked in a cultured accent while placing her hand on his arm and looking at him hopefully.

Bobby smiled at her and then turned to Jo and Crowley, “Seems I got another ride. I'll be back a little later. What time is the flight in the morning?”

Crowley smirked at him, “It's not until 10, but we'll leave for the airport at 9. You two have a good time.”

Crowley took Jo's arm as he went to walk away. Jo gave Bobby a smile and a wave and went with Crowley.

Once they got in the car Jo asked Roderick “Who is she?”

“Robert's lady friend?” he asked. Jo nodded. “Shes a visiting History Professor from Sweden. Her name is Ebba Larsson, She came here on some kind of exchange to do research, got to be friends with one of Grandfather's club members. He brought her along because she reads a lot of classical literature and he thought she would be a good fit for the club. She and Robert hit it off right away.”

“Go Bobby!” said Jo with a smile, she sank into the seat and leaned her head on Crowley's shoulder.

They made it home easily enough, everyone separated to go to bed. Jo an Crowley stopped in Will's room to make sure he was sleeping. After running a hand over his hair and tucking his blankets around him they headed to their room.

Once inside Jo kicked off her shoes, “Unzip me?” she asked over her shoulder.

Crowley smiled and stepped up behind her, he started kissing her shoulders as he slid the zipper down slowly. Jo let out a happy sigh and let her head fall to one side so he could kiss her neck just above the necklace.

Jo let the dress fall to the floor and turned around to help him out of his jacket. Once it fell to the ground she pulled off his bow tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. As it fell open she ran her hands up his chest and over his shoulders pushing his shirt off. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to kiss him on the mouth.

Crowley groaned into her mouth and wrapped his arms around her waist to lift her up and take her to the bed. Jo brought her legs up to wrap around his waist as he carried her. He managed to climb on the bed still supporting her and without breaking their kiss. He laid her down in the middle of the large bed and pressed his weight into her. She moaned in the back of her throat, pleased with the weight on her. He pulled back from her lips to smile down at her. She returned the smile and reached up to touch his cheeks and run her hands through his hair.

Crowley leaned up so he could look down at her spread out below him in nothing but his families jewelry and her silky red underwear. He reached down and unsnapped her stockings from her garter belt. He unhooked the belt and tossed it to the floor. Jo leaned up enough to reach behind her and unhook her bra, tossing it in the same direction of the garter belt. She moved her hands to the fly of his pants and started opening it, while he ran his fingers over her damp panties.

“You already wet for me, luv?” he asked, his voice low.

“I've been ready for you since I saw you in that tux,” she grumbled at him.

He grinned pleased with her answer then hissed through his teeth and she slipped her hand into his pants to pull his cock out through his boxers so she could stroke him easier. He grabbed her panties and pulled them off, so he could see her bare, nothing but her stockings and the heavy jewels decorating her. She let go of him and laid back for him to look, she stretched her body with a moan, and gave him a dirty smile.

He grinned at her and ran his hands down her thighs over the tops of her stockings and to her knees, he pushed her legs open and looked his fill of her glistening wet sex before he leaned down and licked from her opening up to her clit. Her cry of surprise sent a tingle of pleasure through him. He held her knees as she squirmed under him so he could swirled his tongue around her clit before sucking it gently.

“Oh god, Crowley” she moaned his name.

He sucked and licked at her until she couldn't say his name anymore, she just moaned and whined until she finally crested and shuttered through her orgasm. He leaned up to look at her again. She was flushed all over and panting. Her head still thrown back and her eyes closed. He pushed his pants all the way off and pressed his body to hers. Her arms went about his immediately. He pressed a kiss to her mouth allowing her to taste herself on his lips, his short beard was damp with her juices. She moaned into his mouth and pressed up towards him, wrapping her legs around his and trying to get his cock were she wanted it.

He reached down and positioned his cock in the right place to push into her. He slowly pressed until they were firmly locked together. Jo encouraging him with her gasps and and hands which moved along his back, into his hair, along his shoulders, then down his back to grasp his ass. He loved driving her crazy, and the best way to do that was to go slow. One thing he learned about his girl was that she liked him to go fast, and when he went slow she got demanding, and god did he love that.

He slowly and deliberately rocked into her, with a kiss to her lips he leaned up and took her by the knees once more, pushing them up and out, making her tighten further around him. She gasped and tossed her head back and forth against the bed, he smiled down at the vision she made, wrapped tight around him, her nipples peaked to tight rosy points, her face and neck flushed, blond hair tumbled around her, sparkling in diamonds and rubies. He pulled out until just his tip was still encased inside of her, then snapped his forward in a powerful thrust. She let out a shout and clenched around him. He grinned and kept thrusting harder into her, fucking her hard the way she liked. With a long moan she was cumming around him, shuttering and squeezing his big cock until he couldn't help but fill her up.

He loosened his grip on her knees and slowly lowered them and pulled his cock out of her, she whimpered as he pulled free from her over sensitive hole and shuttered through another small orgasm. “Are you ok, sweetheart?” he whispered into the quiet room, not a sound heard except her harsh breathing.

“Yeah, I'm ok, that was really good,” she finally cracked her eyes open to look at him and flashed him a smile.

He grinned back, “Let me help you get out of that jewelry, and we can grab a quick shower.” he said helping her sit up. He took off the bracelet first, then the ring and earrings. He got off the bed and deposited them on the nightstand before pushing her hair aside to unclasp the necklace. He let it run through his fingers before putting it with the other pieces. He held out a hand to help her out of bed, her legs felt like jelly but they made it to the shower.

AN: I used photoshop to put that jewelry on a picture of Alona Tal. :)

@gettinjoyful  @wholita  @roxy-davenport

[vickytokio]

About a week ago, I got my first binder ever and I feel like sharing some thoughts about it:

I never cared for having breasts. I didn't want them in the first place and they're terribly inconvenient and bothersome, but until a couple years ago, I didn't even realize not having them was a possibility

Once I figured out I was nonbinary, I figured I might get top surgery eventually, but I wouldn't even try binding because I was sure my autistic ass wouldn't be able to handle it

The whole thing has been bothering me more lately (mostly because it seems like surgery is still very far away) and I started considering at least giving it a try at binding

I joined a binder donation campaign last month and got my very own for the first time. As far as I know from research online, it's not necessarily the best kind, but it's not unsafe

I've tried it on at home and went out with it twice for very short trips, and in those times here's what I know so far:

I get why they tell you not to wear these for more than 8 hours, they really do restrict breathing, I don't think I could manage 3 hours...

I am less bothered by it sensory wise than I feared, but it's still not my favorite thing

As I feared, it does not make me flat by any means... I knew for a fact that it wouldn't since I'm a big person, but I was still a bit disappointed that I didn't get the whole miracle moment of crying with "this is what my body is supposed to look like!" It looked... Ok. Better for sure, but not what I want at all

Weirdly enough, I enjoyed the look of me with less volume but it somehow made me more dysphoric? I'm very used to being perceived as a woman and have somewhat detached from it, but the idea that I am trying, and going through discomfort and effort, and people are still gonna look at me from a distance and think "girl"? It makes me more self aware than if I wasn't doing anything... I'm not sure what to do with that

So far, I think that's it... If you've been through this and feel like sharing tips, by all means, please talk to me about it

[whumptywhumpdump]

Ok, ok, please lemme hijack this a little and over share about my personal life? This is just so relatable to me.

So, I got married around 7 years ago, me and my husband lived just the two of us for the first 4 years or so, then money was tight and we had an extra room so we thought "hey maybe we can rent this to some college kid (since we live right next to a college) to help with our rent!"

Back then, a couple we're friends with told us they had lived with a friend before, but we should put down some ground rules, because they had a hard time making the girl move out once they got pregnant and needed the room back. Long story short, a co-worker/friend of my husband's was needing a new place and moved in with us. We talked it over with him and agreed that, in case we got pregnant, he would have to find a new place in six months.

He's been with us for three years and though kids aren't in the plans for right now, our relationship went from flatmates to family and we have already discussed several times that if we were to need more room, we would simply all move together somewhere else. I've started to think of the three of us as kind of QPR, but at the same time, we haven't really put any name to it, or want to. We're friends, we're family, and we're a package deal. That's all that matters.

I love my boys, and we're just vibing, so... Yeah, i get Antoni and Jake

Wow, ok, definitely a bunch of oversharing lol

I love how Jake’s life when from college student with a girlfriend to grown ass foster dad in a throuple with two dudes. he truly won the glow up roulette

I've been thinking about it and I'm going to hazard a guess that Jake and Antoni don't call it a throuple - or much of anything, exactly. After the conversation with Antoni that I'm still trying to work through (Ugh, why are these two men fighting me on talking about their goddamn feelings so hard) where Antoni admits that he sees himself as a kind of partner for Jake in his life, and after Antoni is threaded into the existing relationship between Kauri and Jake and the relationship the three of them have with each other subtly changes to reflect that conversation... I still don't know that Jake and Antoni think of it in those terms.

This is really interesting for me to think over, because Kauri is so frank and upfront about certain things and not others, and I think in this particular case Kauri is 100% "we're a throuple, these are my partners, I'm more or less married to them both, this is awesome" while Jake would be more... uncertain on how to name it or discuss it, and Antoni just wouldn't. It would simply be what it is.

They are a household, a family in and of themselves. Why does it need to be called anything else? That would be Antoni's point of view, and largely Jake's as well.

I see Kauri asking if he should call Antoni his boyfriend, and Antoni replying that no, maybe not, he's never really liked terms like 'boyfriend' for himself in any capacity because he doesn't really even feel wholly like a boy/man to begin with, but something that slips between any label or conventional naming.

They settle on partner, but I feel like Antoni is probably a bit more like, "Just call me your Antoni."

[whumptywhumpdump]

From wherever you are, do you see how much you're missed? I just listened to this song for the first time today and a lot of it resonated with me, it's a great song. But then I got to this part and I just broke down crying on the sidewalk

'Cause like a river runs dry

And leaves it's scars behind

I'll be by your side

'Cause my love

Is set in stone

You're the scars of a river I used to swim in. The river might not have known I was there, but I bathed in its existence and even though it's gone, I can still see the places it once passed through, I can see the marks it left behind.

God, how I miss the river.

[morganbelarus]

Bridget Trump’s Diary: I honestly don’t get International Women’s Day

Image: VICKY LETA / MASHABLE

Editor's Note: What do you get when you put Donald Trump and Bridget Jones in a room? Bridget Trump, that's what. The brainchild of British comic Tiff Stevenson, Bridget Trump is the political parody we've all been waiting for. Her Twitter account is remarkably similar to a certain orange-skinned, thin-skinned politician. She took time out from ranting and raving on Twitter to give us her two cents about International Women's Day.

SEE ALSO: Bridget Trump's Diary: I went to the Women's March and it was so overrated

EXCEPTIONALLY BAD COUPLE OF WEEKS

February 27th

Watching the giraffe web cam intensely. This is why we women are ridiculous with demands for equal pay and planned parenthood. They should take a leaf out of the giraffes book and just give birth ALL THE TIME. Also, those tree leaves are super slimming. Its basically a vegan diet.

Nothing else of note happened today and certainly not in LA with a bunch of Z List OVERRATED actors.

February 28th

Kellyanne got in a spot of bother today. She kicked off her heels and knelt on the Oval couch, like she was at was at home. I think she even undid her bra! She is OUTRAGEOUS. The internet lost it, as per. Kellyanne is the most important member of my urban family. She makes me realise that we dont need silly things like International Womens Day! I gave her a job so what is everyone's problem?

Also, I may have done a spot of envelope swapping at the Oscars. Hah! That will teach them that Bridget Trump is the only winner around here. I totally won, dont go recounting all the votes. The popular vote is not even a thing. I am making America Great Again.

March 1st

Woke up feeling bloated and premenstrual. Was confronted by that English stick insect on the cover of Vanity FairHermione whatsherface. She claims to be one of these feminists people keep banging on about. I bet she is friends with Hillary and her cronies. Sad! Always banging on about equality but let's be honest, should we get paid the same as men? All I do really is tit about and sign things, I never really read anything. I get so emotional and angry at everyone all the time. Being POTUS is like being on your period 365 days a year.

March 7th

Hillary, Michelle and their gang of flunkies are preparing everyone for IWD. Which is INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY. I may have initially thought it was International Weapons Day but now I know it is something much, MUCH worse.

Chocolate bars consumed - 5 Cadburys Fruit & Nut (a new low)

March 8th

Exceptionally tedious start to the day. Its International Womens Day. Its all a bit humiliating really, giving us our own special day. Im all for feminism but when it makes men feel bad then, I, Bridget Trump would like to draw the line.

What about International Mens Day? Its just unfair, isnt it? I think there should be a day for celebrating men. So Ive been putting out fires all month in my top new job. Only 3 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and 5 hours left but who is counting? NOT ME!

Tiff Stevenson (a.k.a. Bridget Trump) is on tour from now until May 5. More information: http://ift.tt/1M4PGP4

WATCH: J.K. Rowling weighs in hard on the Donald Trump/Meryl Streep feud

More From this publisher : HERE

=> *********************************************** See More Here: Bridget Trump’s Diary: I honestly don’t get International Women’s Day ************************************ =>

Bridget Trump’s Diary: I honestly don’t get International Women’s Day was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

[vickytokio]

Yesterday, I took a shower. I’m a little embarrassed to admit how much effort that took or how long it had been (not my longest, I will say that). I also left the house, which took another heap of effort and caused me an anxiety attack which my meds have been very good at preventing. But I just haven’t wanted to leave my house for the past couple weeks. I haven’t wanted to do anything really.

Yesterday I did. I left the house with my heart beating slightly too fast and my head telling me to go back to bed, but I argued back that I needed to go into my internship because I’ve been neglecting it since this bout of depression started. I got on the subway and managed not to cry when I started panicking because I didn’t have a mask (mine was dirty because I didn’t have the energy to wash it last time I left the house). I got to the studio where I’m doing my internship, I powered through the socializing and work for the first two hours or so, and then I just got caught up in conversation with the girls there. I was mostly just practicing and listening to them, and laughing, and one of them bought me an iced coffee and when I left, about four hours after arriving, I noticed I was feeling okay. 

When I woke up today, that wasn’t gone. The whole day went by, I had medical exams, I had bureaucracy to solve, I still have the same problems I had two days ago, but at no point today I felt the urge to curl up and cry.

For the first time in maybe two weeks, I feel kind of okay. Even if it’s not amazing, even if it doesn’t last (tho I sure hope it will), I am very glad to remember life doesn’t suck all the time. Sometimes you listen to people being silly at work, and get some iced coffee, and you remember why you’re living.

Maybe you’re not around to get those moments anymore, but I sure as hell can enjoy them while remembering you. I hope I can honor your memory without hurting.

[whumptywhumpdump]

This post is my new favorite thing!

This is Haru. As you can see, my boy is totally white with only a black tail! (Kudos if you guess where his name came from lol)

He's a very cuddly cat, he loves sleeping on our laps, or just on us in general lol. He's also incredibly social for a cat and will run to the door whenever someone arrives to say hello.

He's been with us for almost four years now and he's my baby! T.T

Tuesday Positivity

I love animals and I adore pets.

Unfortunately I don't have one, so please share your babies with me. 🙏

If you like you can tell me about them too.

Why do you love them? What makes them special? How long are they part of your family? What is their personality like? How do they get along with everyone im the household? What are their rituals? Do they have any unusual hobbies or habits?

[vickytokio]

Honestly, what is it with millennials/gen z and damn bright text on dark background????

*grumbles in Grandpa voice* the contrast is too high, it hurts my eyes and gives me a headache, what is it with you young people and your "dark modes"?!

(Yes, I am indeed a millennial myself, but apparently not when it comes to looking at a screen...)